Saturday, February 25, 2012

My Summer Selling Encyclopedias in Pittsburgh



In 1964, I graduated from high school and a few days later, I was "on the road" with Bob Dylan in my head, my thumb out, a guitar and a satchel of clothes my only baggage. I also had a German Lugar pistol which couldn't fire, but a friend had given it to me, "just in case." In case of what, I wasn't quite sure, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, I was FREE!

I made my way north to Erie, and managed to make some money singing in a Holiday Inn bar. Songs like "Early Mornin' Rain" and "Blowin' in the Wind" (and other songs, missin' a final "g") made up my repertoire.  With a sign in large block letters saying "Newport" taped to my guitar case, I got rides across New York state and into New England fairly easily, mostly from guys who seemed to relish the "idea" of being on the road, but who had families and regular jobs. They often plied me with hamburgers and a little cash after I'd given them my best shot of folk music.

I was having a great time, but I only lasted a month. I made it to Newport Rhode Island, had eye opening experiences almost every day, but the police wouldn't let you sleep on the beach, and I, in a moment of introspection, decided I'd better head back to Pittsburgh. I had signed up for that whole college thing after all, and, there was also this unfortunate misunderstanding with a bunch of guys who were in Officer's Candidate School at the naval base. Also...I was broke.






My thumb and dwindling funds got me as far as New York City, but after standing there trying to hitch a ride from 42nd Street for 4-5 hours, I went into the Western Union. My mother, thankfully, wired me enough money to get a Greyhound back home. She worked as a restaurant cook helper and money was always day to day, but as a kid, I didn't consider that. I still feel bad that I didn't appreciate her help as I should have, but I was 18 and...well, I was 18.



Once home, I realized, I should look for a summer job like all my college bound friends. For some mysterious reason, I thought I might be good at selling encyclopedias! Maybe it was the splashy "want ad" which said "highly paid outdoor work!" So I called the number, and a woman named Mildred signed me up. I went to the "training sessions" for the next few days. I remember thinking, "I'm going to make a fortune doing this!" The deal we offered was too good to believe! You got an entire Collier's Encyclopedia, for only ten cents a day. We even provided a little piggy bank for people to put the dimes in. And what they got in return, was "all the knowledge of the world," and we practically guaranteed that their kids would graduate at least cum laude from the university of their choice! Who wouldn't jump at this offer?



So it was with great anticipation that I loaded into my group leader's 1964 Lincoln with 5 other young men, off to my first field experience. Carrying a case with a couple sample volumes and a mockup of the whole encyclopedia, a sample piggy bank, all the paperwork to make sales, and a sandwich for lunch, we were dropped off at staggered locations around the Pittsburgh neighborhoods.



The whole piggy bank thing was a ruse, though. We were told to make the REAL offer once they agreed to the piggy bank deal. The total price was less, but they had to come up with a sizable down payment. THAT was where I always seemed to get stuck. Once the customer actually had to hand over some money, thing went down hill fast, and sometimes in a rather unpleasant manner. Over the course of a few weeks with no sales, the air went out of my enthusiasm. Jack, my group leader always seemed to drop us off in lower middle class neighborhoods. I walked East Liberty and McKees Rocks and Neville Island and Springdale and every tired little mill town along the rivers of Pittsburgh. I'd make my pitch, have it declined, and I'd shuffle off to the next asbestos shingled house with gutters hanging down and a rusted car on cinderblocks in the back yard.





I began to think, "I'm NEVER going to make a sale." You only got paid if you sold something, so I was broke. I knew I had to make some money somehow so I went and sat on a parkbench, trying to figure out what to do next. Then, "fate" stepped in. Jack, spotted me. "What the hell are you doing!" he snapped from the window of his car. He stopped with a squealing jerk and came at me like he was going to throw a right cross! But I'd had enough. I stood up and gave him hell right back, and said "Nobody wants to buy these things, I'm quitting!"


Jack then became a "good cop." He told me I just needed to see how it was done, and he was going to show me! I got kind of enthused again. Okay, I thought, let's give this a try.

 We went together to a house and he knocked on the door. I was fascinated by his confidence. No one came to the door, but someone yelled to "come on in" from the back of the house. So he and I went in and there was a guy sitting in a kitchen chair in a sleeveless tee shirt, with 4-5 beer bottles scattered around. The guy had a typical "beer belly" which made him look pregnant. He also badly needed a shave and a shower. Jack, gave me a kind of wink, implying "now...watch the master at work!." He began his sales pitch the way he taught us, with a little small talk and then told the guy about the "great opportunity" that had just walked in the door etc. The guy didn't say a word at first, he just kind of rocked back and forth a bit. Then he began to get angry...he had a strange look of incredulity on his face. At one point he began to stand up and shout saying something like "who the hell do you think you are coming in to my house...etc."



Jack paused for about three beats, and then yelled right back at him, saying that we had been "invited in!" Jack had had enough now! One of his minions was quitting, and now this boozed up, grizzled grouch was abusing him. Jack tore verbally into the guy and called him names I'd never heard. I think they were German insults because all I got was "dumkoff." Jack was boiling mad. He grabbed me and we got out of there. Jack didn't try to keep me from quitting then. He was practically mute as we picked up the other guys and headed back to the office. I occasionally try to picture the world from Jack's point of view, and when I see something by David Mamet or Arthur Miller, my experiences with Jack provide the context.



I finished the summer as a "Good Humor Man," selling ice cream from a truck and I made some fair cash. I discovered a life lesson: it is a lot easier to sell ice cream than encyclopedias. There were a few drawbacks. I had to learn to drive a stick shift very quickly, and I had to learn how to deal with teen gangs in "the projects." They usually came up to me in groups of 4 or 5, and demanded "free ice cream" or that I stay out of the projects. My trainer told me to only give out "smashed samples" when I could get them, and that generally the gangs wouldn't really do anything to you, because their parents liked having the ice cream truck come into the projects.



I got fired from the job at the end of August. I met a girl on my route, who I can't even picture in my mind at this time, except that she had sandy blond hair and blue eyes. She bought something almost every day for her little sisters. She was probably 18 or so and one day she invited me to "stop by" when I had finished my route, with a little touch on my arm that sent a shiver through me. I finished my route in record time and made it back to her place. We ended up in her back yard, laying in the warm summer grass, kissing and petting for hours. As I made my way back to the truck depot, I tried to come up with some good excuse for my late return. I thought- "mechanical difficulties!" I had once heard of something called a "vapor lock." A vehicle would suddenly just stop running. If you let it cool down for an hour or so, it would then start up just fine. I figured it was my best shot.

Sure enough, when I rolled in several hours late, the manager was furious, since he couldn't leave until all the trucks returned.

I told him the "vapor lock" story.

He told me I was fired.

I knew I only had another week until I had to be in Indiana, PA anyway, so I didn't mind losing the job. As I walked out of the depot to catch a bus home, I felt pretty good about things! College was ahead. Everything was ahead. The summer of 1964 had been great, and the world seemed to be just waiting for me.


My Jules Feiffer Story


In 2006, I had a few paintings in a group show at the Sherry French Gallery in New York City. One of the people who came to  the opening  was Jules Feiffer the legendary cartoonist for The Village Voice.  I had never met him, but managed to become part of a conversational circle at one point which included Jules and  seven or eight other men and women including artists, Nancy Bea Miller, Eliza Auth and Tony Auth, the political cartoonist of the Philadelphia Inquirer.

Someone asked one of the women I did not know, "what do you do?"

She answered, "I work at the United Nations Office of War Crimes."

Without a pause, Jules cocked his head slightly and mischievously  asked  "for... or against?!"

What I was struck by, was how his persona in "real life" was the same as his art: ironic, satiric and funny with a cutting edge.  I was very glad to have gotten this chance to meet him, and must thank Eliza and Tony for introducing me. His drawings as well as his wonderful  children's books, and other writings can be found at his web site:


_______________________________________
also in this story:




Bluebirds and Bosnia


 (originally written in 1996)


BLUEBIRDS:. The bluebird was standing on a crooked fence post, silhouetted against the brilliant yellow green of the May pasture. The bird, with its iridescent blue feathers, and orange vest, was like some Joseph Albers color study!  I had read about bluebirds in magazines. How suburban growth and the accompanying English sparrows were reducing their numbers. How lack of nesting habitat was the key problem. How people were putting up "bluebird trails" and special nesting boxes, to try to help them revive. But I had never seen one. Now, my wife and I, the new owners of a six acre "farm" were lucky enough to have a bluebird nesting in one of the old fence posts which ringed our pasture! Of course, with all this awareness, I personally felt a certain "stewardship." How could we ensure this nesting site would be protected? At least we would know not to replace this treasure with a new, pressure treated post, when we began to fix up the pasture fence. But how could we make sure that our four cats wouldn't discover the site, which was only about four feet off the ground, with a precariously large opening? I immediately set-up a wire buffer fence to fend off the cats, and began to keep tabs on the nest site, looking in, once a day. This was easy to do, since the post was so crooked that you could see down into the nest through the opening. There were three pale blue eggs in a soft grassy nest, which swirled around them perfectly. At first, all seemed to be well, but a few days later, when I looked in, the nest was empty. There were no shell fragments, no signs of depredation. The grassy bowl sat empty. I had no idea what had happened. Had something robbed the nest? Had the parents moved the eggs? Was that even possible? Had my own activities, trying to protect the nest caused them to leave?



BOSNIA: It wasn't long after this, that I had an opportunity to travel to Europe. After a few weeks in Crete and Athens, I decided to take the famous "Orient Express" train to Budapest, Hungary. I boarded the train in Athens. We would go north to Belgrade. It was 1990, and the term, Yugoslavia was still being used. I didn't plan to stay there, but was looking forward to the seeing the landscape. The train was crammed with people, including a contingent of loud, drunken, uniformed men who announced proudly (and/or arrogantly)- that they were "Soviet military." The red stars on their hats confirmed this, and I kept my distance as they pin balled around the narrow hallway which connected all the cabins.


 I shared a compartment with a group of students, two young women and two men who looked like any group you might see hanging out on a college "quad" anywhere in America. They described themselves as "Slovenians."  They spoke beautiful English, and rapaciously quizzed me on what life was like in "the USA." I enjoyed being somewhat of a "celebrity" in the cabin, and I was cheered by their youthful enthusiasm and good nature. But at some point, there was a mention of some other ethnic group. I don't even recall whether it was the Croats or Serbs, or what, but I do recall how ugly the conversation turned. "If they weren't as stupid as pigs, we might be able to get along..." Remarks about odor and physical characteristics came spilling out. They almost seemed to try to out-do each other in their bigotry, in order to prove their own credentials as loyal members of their own ethnicity. It sounded like some kind of farce. It was difficult to reconcile the almost bi-polar group personality I was seeing. I tried to believe they were joking, or "having some fun with the American," but, no- these beautiful, young smiling faces believed what they were saying. As the sun rose, we came to the border of Yugoslavia.


BLUEBIRDS: With the disappearance of the eggs from the fence post nest, I threw myself headlong into the task of building bluebird houses. I knew they were in the area, so I was determined that there would be no shortage of nesting cavities on our property. By carefully following the directions from bird books, I placed four boxes at the recommended intervals, and sure enough, two of the boxes were soon occupied by bluebird couples. I watched through the summer as they nested, hatched their young and then worked tirelessly, bringing insects to their shrieking chicks. The greatest reward was seeing the parents, out of the nest, being followed by several juveniles.


The other two boxes had been occupied by house wrens. While not as unique as the bluebirds, they added an insectivorous presence to our garden, and were welcomed. The birdhouse endeavor seemed to be a great success. I decided that, over the winter, I would build enough houses to make sure that the blue tribe, and the wrens could thrive in our pasture. In September, however, one of the potential problems was realized. I opened the door, to leave my studio one day, and there, on the landing, was a dead bluebird. It was so perfectly centered at the top of the stairs, that it almost seemed like a warning of some kind. In spite of this morose thought, I told myself that this was simply the work of one of the cats. As sad as I felt for the loss of this one bird, I rationalized that the houses I'd built had, as nearly as I could tell, brought forth at least five new birds, and that in spite of the cats, I'd continue to encourage the bluebirds to nest.


BOSNIA: As our train pulled into the border check point, people began to seem anxious. There was some confusion as to whether we needed Yugoslav currency to buy a visa. I wasn't sure, so I went to the doorway and surveyed the platform. I saw some "official" looking people nearby, so I got off the train and walked towards them. This was a big mistake. When they caught sight of me, they came rushing towards me. Several men surrounded me, grabbing my arms. I kept saying, something about needing to "change money" but it seemed as though no English was spoken among the group. A short man in a police- like uniform approached. He was carrying a large screwdriver. He spoke English somewhat, but he immediately jabbed me hard in the chest with the screwdriver. "Where are you going?" he demanded. I explained my situation, but a look of pure sadism never left his face. He jabbed me sharply, several more times and pushed me back to the train door. "No one leaves the train!" he snapped, and I managed to get back inside, a bit shaken, confused, and with a trickle of blood running down my chest. The train sat there for over an hour, as currency exchange people came through the cars, and exchanged money at state specified rates. I was tipped to get only twenty dollars, because the money was worthless outside of the country. Indeed, when 27 hours later, our train crossed into Hungary, many people threw the money in trash cans, or on the floor of the train compartments.


BLUEBIRDS: In the summer of 1991, I had birdhouses scattered all over the perimeter of the pasture. Three of the houses, were occupied by bluebirds, and seemed to fledge young, although it was often difficult to tell. I'd see the parents feeding the yellow beaks inside the nest hole, and then I'd see the nest empty, but I rarely saw the parents with their young outside of the boxes. I was usually working, in my studio, and I would scan the boxes periodically with binoculars, but most of the time, the parents were elusive when not tending a box full of young. Wrens, tree swallows and a few sparrows occupied most of the houses. I was shocked one day to find that wrens had apparently destroyed a nest, which bluebirds had occupied. There were broken blue eggs outside the birdhouse, and wrens were busily filling it up with sticks, to construct the type of nest they prefer. I became angry and opened the nest and threw the wren nest on the ground. Several days later, sparrows were using that nesting box. I decided at this point, that I'd better do some research on the problems of maintaining bluebird boxes. It wasn't as simple as I thought it might be.


BOSNIA: In the Spring of 1991, President George Bush gave a speech about Yugoslavia. All that most people knew of the area, was that they made a cheap little car called the YUGO, and that the Olympics had been held in a place called Sarajevo. The President's speech urged that Yugoslavia "remain one, democratic country." This seemed to run counter to the events of the day, as the old communist countries seemed to be fragmenting back to pre-communist boundaries, at an amazing rate. From my experience there, however, the references to "ethnic hatred" rang true. But hadn't Tito put that all behind them? By the end of June, Slovenia and Croatia had declared their independence. War began almost immediately.


BLUEBIRDS: In the winter of 1992-93, I was much more aware of the problems bluebirds faced. I read that wrens will sometimes destroy their nests, even if they don't nest in them. Apparently, male wrens like to impress females with how many nest sites they control. I had also seen a documentary on the subject, featuring a kindly looking octogenarian, who maintained a bluebird trail. He claimed that the biggest problem was the English Sparrow. They would drive out the bluebirds, and even kill them, he claimed. So he checked his boxes every week. The reporter asked him "what happens if you find sparrows in the box?" He looked down at the ground and said "I don't want to talk about that!" As I thought of ways to solve this problem that winter, I decided that I shouldn't drive out the sparrows. They were attractive with their russet patches, and I had seen them be especially adept at catching horse flies against the barn window panes. They weren't "bad" birds to me. Surely there was some way for these various birds to share the same space. My resolve to "peacefully" solve the problem grew, when on March 13th, we had an enormous Spring snowfall. I was shocked as I watched the snow pelting down, to see a male sparrow in some branches under a pine tree. He had a white feather in his beak. In the midst of this nearly horizontal driving snow, he flew with it to a nearby bird house. In he went, and several minutes later emerged, and flew into the snow. He was nest building in the middle of a brutal storm! I had to admire this little creature.


I decided that the only answer, was to have so many bird houses, there would be no intense competition. So I produced another batch of houses, and even began to sink posts in the middle of the pasture, when I ran out of fence area. But my sympathy for the sparrows was destroyed in mid-April. The sparrows stayed north all winter, and as their numbers increased, they would claim virtually every box in the pasture, for their progeny, while the other birds had migrated south. When the blues came back, I noticed that sparrows could generally drive them out of a house, because sparrows are not territorial with one another, while bluebirds are. As a result, groups of sparrows, would swarm and harass any male blue who tried to guard a nest box. What I eventually found out, was that they would also kill the female who tried to guard the nest from within.


I was sickened when I found a dead female inside a nest box, her head pecked clean of feathers. She had tried in vain to defend the nest. This wasn't enough, however. The sparrows had then begun to defecate inside the box which contained the dead bluebird. It was caked with bird droppings. I thought of Sadam Hussein, deliberately flooding the Red Sea with oil during the Gulf War. Were sparrows exhibiting the same "evil" purpose. Are humans and sparrows controlled by the same directives? Or was this something else? I struggled to find some evolutionary "survival value" in this sparrow behavior. Would the bacteria make the body decay faster, and thus make the nest site available sooner? Did they simply want the pasture to themselves? Whatever the answer, I determined now, that I was either going to have to abandon the project, or do whatever was necessary to control the sparrow population.


BOSNIA: The war between the Serbs and Croatians was brutal and bloody. 'Ethnic cleansing" and "Balkanization" became part of the world's vocabulary. The Slovenians were spared for the most part. I thought of the young people I had met on the train. Were they involved? It took until March of 1992 for the Bosnians to also declare "independence." The mix of Moslem, Eastern Orthodox and Catholic religions was volatile. Did anyone yearn for the atheist communists to return? Or was religion just an excuse? Was it really about the "short versus the tall" or the brown eyed versus the blue? Was this all some nasty trick hidden in our DNA?


BLUEBIRDS: During the summer of 1994, I checked the boxes weekly. The sparrows would fill them with nesting material, I'd open the boxes, and take it out. The bluebirds arrived and managed to claim some of the houses. I continued to open, check and destroy the characteristic sparrow nests. One day, however, I was removing a sparrow nest, and realized I was late. There were already eggs in it. What to do? Let them go? As I pondered this, the image of the dead female blue, defiled by droppings came to my mind, as well as the image of the sparrow nest building in the blizzard. I decided I had to destroy the eggs. I reached in and picked them up, and they were incredibly warm. They sat in the palm of my hand, warm, containing the life of young sparrows, and yet, I smashed them to the ground. The act bothered me intensely for days. I was "playing God." I had broken the prime directive of Star Fleet, for God's sake! Non-intervention!


I made a decision that I simply had to get to the nest, before eggs were laid, or I'd let those boxes go. I also decided to allow some sparrow boxes autonomy. I decide I had to find some kind of non-lethal intervention. I knew that birds learned not to eat Monarch butterflies, and recognized the distinctive pattern. Perhaps I could employ a graphic pattern to "train" the sparrows to avoid certain boxes? So as an added discouragement, to complete "sparrowization" of the pasture, I painted a spidery pattern on certain houses, and in those, I religiously destroyed sparrow nests. The experiment was somewhat successful. Two boxes fledged bluebird families. One fledged swallows and several others were used by wrens. The rest were persistently occupied and defended by sparrows, and produced nothing.


BOSNIA: The bombardment of Sarajevo was severe that winter. The Serbs had the artillery, and the high ground. It was siege warfare. It was a slow strangulation, in prime time with the world watching, and looking to everyone else to solve the problem, if indeed there was a solution. There were mortars in the market place. Snipers picked off commuters. A cellist sat and played in the middle of it all, and television cameras sent the image to my studio, where the bluebirds and sparrows struggled, and I tried to find an answer.



1996: This year, I tried something new with the birds. In November, I tacked covers over the entrances to all but four of the bird boxes. It was my hope that the tribe of sparrows, which numbered thirty or forty now, would not stay around, if there were no nesting sites available to them. I knew they maintained the sites all winter, and began to breed, even before the bluebirds arrived. Indeed, most of the sparrows did leave over the winter. At the end of March, I opened only two boxes, the ones that blues had occupied last year. Sure enough, in a few days, bluebirds were there, claiming the boxes. The sparrow boxes, I would disrupt. Basically, I tried to keep them busy, nest repairing, while the blues settled in. I didn't want to drive the sparrows out, for fear they'd take over the bluebird houses. Eventually, tree swallows arrived. I opened more boxes. I allowed the sparrows unhindered nesting at this point, hoping to keep them involved in raising young, and letting the swallows and wrens have the rest of the boxes. For now, the peace is holding. The gangs of sparrows which set upon blues and swallows are gone. But occasionally I see them in small groups. They hang on the edge of nest holes and look inside at the mother blues and swallows inside. The male blue will swoop in and drive them off, and if it is only a few sparrows, they fly off. So far the blues are doing well. So far, the peace is holding, and all the tribes of birds are living in the pasture, together.


September 2000 update:
There is a cease fire in Bosnia enforced by the United Nations. American forces were deployed in 1996 for "no more than one year" according to the President Clinton. Four years later they are still there, and another war was launched against the Serbs in Kosovo. It virtually destroyed Yugoslavia- economically, militarily, and ecologically. President Milosovic is still in power.
As for the birds:
The key, it seems- is to accept that you cannot have a LOT of bluebird houses. Sparrows need lots of nesting sites close together it seems and won't occupy a box remote from other sparrows. At this point, I have very few houses open. Usually they get occupied by bluebirds, or swallows, and occasionally, I see young bluebirds with their spotted breasts being trained by adults in the fine art of catching grasshoppers...


2012 reflection:


I recognized eventually, that you can't have a lot of bluebird houses near each other. The recommended separation is 500 ft. You can't have sparrows and bluebirds nesting in proximity. Wrens are still a problem for bluebirds in any case, but the bluebirds arrive north, well ahead of the wrens, and seem to be able to defend their nest sites, once established. Predator guards are important for bluebird houses. They keeps cats and other animals from reaching inside the box.


The house pictured produced at least two broods of young bluebirds in 2011 and I'll try to update what happens this year.


As for humans...we do certain things well, like establishing "bluebird trails" in county parks. Other things, we... just...make... no... progress...